I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I published that record. I was so happy to be done with it. It took a couple of years to get everything tracked right. I did rush through some things, that looking back I would redo. But that’s how it goes. Once you release your little art-baby, you have to just let it live out in the abyss.
The tracklisting of the record was done more chronologically. The record starts with a song of arrogance, Far From Home Sick. It comes out swinging, complaining about how all my friends are dumb and I’m the smart one for moving away. Spare Love and Reasonable Confidence should be more towards the end of the record if we’re going story-wise. I chose to move them up for the listener. They felt like “sturdier” songs as to keep up a momentum.
A Stand Off Waltz was important to me. It was one of the first songs I wrote for this record. When I finished its demo, I felt like I was a REAL songwriter. I’ve written dozens upon dozens of songs at this point, but it was the first one that didn’t sound like me… It sounded professional.
The middle of the record goes into snapshots of living in a toxic relationship. Wake Up Blondie was the weakest of the litter in terms of my songwriting. I chose to keep it in because it’s the only song that I blame myself. Lyrically the album is lopsided. I noticed that I played the victim in most of the songs.
The record concludes with songs of defeat. Blind Spot is a howling of denial. “I ain’t going to miss you, half as much as you’ll miss me” It’s almost a cliche you can’t quit you’re fired scenario. In End Of March, I talk about moving back home to all my burnt bridges and how I have to rebuild/repair myself.
I was convinced everything would start happening for me once I released this record. NO ONE GAVE A FUCK, but that’s life. Could I have advertised more? Yes. Could I have played more shows to promote it? Yes.
Maybe I should have documented my “process” better. Maybe I needed to give people a better look into how I made a record all by myself.
I believe watching someone make an album is like watching someone go to the bathroom. It’s intimate, but far from glamorous. I’d be too distracted, while trying to get my shit done (sorry for the pun). If you’re the type who enjoys that much attention, you’re probably making music for the wrong reasons.
At the end of the day I could/should have done things different. The record is a success in my eyes because I FINISHED it. I don’t care about sales or notoriety. There was a voice in my head telling me to make this album all on my own. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to progress without doing it. So I went for it.
Few “Artists” can say they wrote, performed, mixed, mastered, and published an album all by themselves.. WITHOUT FAKE DRUMS AND AUTO-TUNE, but I DID!
